Chris Appleton Shares Personal Struggle with Sexuality and Suicide Attempt After Coming Out to Children

Celebrity stylist Chris Appleton reveals he felt his hidden gay identity was like a 'cancer' and prayed to be straight. He attempted suicide after coming out to his children.
By Newsroom | Personal Stories, Mental Health |

Chris Appleton, a well-known celebrity hairstylist, has shared his deeply personal journey of coming to terms with his sexuality, including the profound shame and self-loathing he experienced. He described his unacknowledged gay identity as a "cancer" he could not remove, leading to nights spent praying to be straight. This internal conflict culminated in a suicide attempt after coming out to his children, a decision he viewed through the lens of perceived negative impact on them.

Chris Appleton says being secretly gay felt like a 'cancer I couldn't get rid of' as stylist recalls praying to be straight 'every night' before coming out to his children led to desperate suicide attempt - 1

Background and Key Events

Chris Appleton's narrative centers on his struggle with his sexual identity and the challenging process of coming out. The key events he has detailed include:

Chris Appleton says being secretly gay felt like a 'cancer I couldn't get rid of' as stylist recalls praying to be straight 'every night' before coming out to his children led to desperate suicide attempt - 2

  • Internal Conflict: For an extended period, Appleton experienced intense internal conflict regarding his sexuality, which he characterized as feeling like a "cancer" or a "disease."

  • Praying to be Straight: He recalls praying nightly to be straight, motivated by a desire for his children to have a "normal" father and a fear of them growing up with a gay parent.

  • Coming Out to Children: Appleton eventually came out to his son, Billy, and daughter, Kitty-Blu, when they were young.

  • Suicide Attempt: Following the disclosure to his children, Appleton experienced significant emotional distress, leading to a suicide attempt. He expressed feeling that it would be "better for them to have a dad that was dead than a dad that was gay."

  • Relationship with Ex-Partner: He first came out to his former partner, Katie Katon, with whom he shared his children.

  • Relocation to America: Moving to America, where his identity was less known, reportedly aided him in accepting his sexuality.

  • Current Stance: Appleton states he is now in a better place and maintains a close relationship with his children.

Experiencing Shame and Self-Loathing

Appleton has described a profound sense of shame associated with his sexuality, particularly in relation to his children.

Chris Appleton says being secretly gay felt like a 'cancer I couldn't get rid of' as stylist recalls praying to be straight 'every night' before coming out to his children led to desperate suicide attempt - 3

  • He equated his hidden identity to a "cancer I couldn't get rid of" and a "disease" he wanted to excise.

  • Appleton expressed feeling selfish for prioritizing his own truth over what he perceived as his children's need for a "normal" father.

  • The profound internal struggle highlights the intense societal pressures and internalized homophobia that can impact individuals.

The Impact of Coming Out to Children

The act of disclosing his sexuality to his children marked a critical and distressing turning point for Appleton.

Read More: Woman Shares Sad Story After Losing Baby and Spending Lots of Money on IVF

Chris Appleton says being secretly gay felt like a 'cancer I couldn't get rid of' as stylist recalls praying to be straight 'every night' before coming out to his children led to desperate suicide attempt - 4

  • He found the words difficult to utter, beginning a process he described as "the beginning of it all, really."

  • Appleton stated, "I was feeling shame for them," indicating a projection of societal stigma onto his children.

  • This element underscores the perceived consequences of coming out from a parental perspective, even when not directly experienced by the children.

A Desperate Act and Subsequent Recovery

The emotional weight of coming out led Appleton to a severe mental health crisis.

  • Following his disclosure to his children, he left their home experiencing suicidal ideation.

  • He expressed the belief that his death would be preferable to his children having a gay father.

  • Appleton's account details a direct link between the act of coming out and a subsequent suicide attempt, illustrating the severity of his internal turmoil.

Reconciliation and Current Well-being

Despite the painful experiences, Appleton reports a positive shift in his life and relationships.

  • He has apologized to Katie Katon for any pain caused by his coming out.

  • Appleton states he is now in a "much better place" and maintains an "incredibly close relationship" with his children.

  • This indicates a process of healing and reconciliation, suggesting that open communication and time can lead to improved familial bonds.

Expert Perspectives on Internalized Homophobia

Experts on LGBTQ+ mental health have commented on the broader implications of experiences like Chris Appleton's.

"Internalized homophobia can be a deeply corrosive force, leading individuals to view their authentic selves as fundamentally flawed or damaging to loved ones. This can manifest in severe distress, depression, and in tragic cases, suicidal ideation. The journey to self-acceptance, particularly for those who have felt immense societal pressure, is often a long and arduous one."

This perspective suggests that Appleton's feelings, while intensely personal, resonate with broader patterns of psychological distress stemming from societal attitudes towards homosexuality. The struggle to reconcile personal identity with perceived external expectations is a significant factor.

Conclusion and Unanswered Questions

Chris Appleton's disclosures provide a candid look at the intense personal battles waged by some individuals grappling with their sexual identity, particularly within familial contexts. The narrative emphasizes the profound impact of shame and the societal pressures that can contribute to severe mental health crises.

  • Key Findings:

  • Appleton experienced significant internalized homophobia, viewing his gay identity as a detrimental "cancer."

  • His coming out to his children led to a suicide attempt, driven by a perceived negative impact on them.

  • He has since found a better place, reconciling with his past and maintaining close family ties.

  • Implications: The account serves as a stark reminder of the psychological toll that societal stigma and internalized shame can exact. It highlights the importance of support systems and the potential for healing and acceptance over time.

  • Further Inquiry: While Appleton describes his current improved state, the specific nature of the support systems that aided his recovery and the ongoing evolution of his family dynamics remain areas for detailed observation.

Sources Used

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Why did Chris Appleton feel shame about his sexuality?
Chris Appleton felt deep shame, calling his unacknowledged gay identity a 'cancer' he couldn't remove. He prayed to be straight because he wanted his children to have a 'normal' father and feared them growing up with a gay parent.
Q: What happened after Chris Appleton came out to his children?
After telling his children he was gay, Chris Appleton experienced severe emotional distress and made a suicide attempt. He felt it would be better for them to have a dead father than a gay one.
Q: Did Chris Appleton always know he was gay?
Chris Appleton did not always know he was gay. He described his sexuality as something he struggled with for a long time, leading to intense internal conflict and a desire to be straight.
Q: How is Chris Appleton doing now?
Chris Appleton is now in a much better place. He has apologized to his ex-partner and maintains a very close relationship with his children, indicating a process of healing and acceptance.